pages.

revisit.

2005-09-01T03:39:58Z

The balcony has become a humble place, my own personal zen space, an attempt to freeze time so that I can contemplate what is on my mind, what is going on in the world, what I will accomplish, what I will do if I fail, to essentially be a philosopher. It's ironic that until recently I hadn't realized how much I rely on that space until I saw how quickly things I take for granted and things I cherish can be taken away from me. Whether it be an act of god, one of mother nature, a spiritual uprising slammed to earth or just an occurrance that cannot be explained, everything before us is either material or mortal--nothing that can be seen lasts forever. In saying that I touch upon two things that have been topics on my mind, one for several months and the other since this morning: love and what I cherish.

Starting positively I will say that love and emotions can last for an eternity even after both parties have passed on. They are naked from the human eye, inexplainable and defy all means of logic yet they empower us, motivate us and defy mortality; the messenger may die but the idea is bulletproof. Once set in motion, the path of emotions can not be stopped. It plows over obstacles regardless of if we want to feel that way or not. It is one of the world's greatest honors to feel love yet it is unexplainable. when someone asks you what is love, what do you say? Extreme caring about one another? The will to die for the one you love? The insatiable need to fulfill that persons desires and wishes? How do you respond and ultimately what does love mean to you? I sat in philosophy the first day of class and the first thing I learned was the thing rooted in my mind all alone; the power of philosophy lies not in it's inability to provide answers but in it's ability to ask the right question.

The scene from the balcony captures the entire city in my sights; I see the mountains, the towers edifices that surround downtown, the monstrous complexes filling the cities to provide entertainment, it's all placed right in front of me. I sat there in awe and then recalled what had occurred in the past 72 hours. An entire city had been demolished. It crumbled under the pressures of nature. Our "modern" ways of life and all the technology we possessed could not stop nature from destroying over 200 years of life. Buildings, freeways, businesses, homes, lives were lost to the towering waters and there was nothing that could be done to prevent it. If this can all happen on hurricane turf, what's to stop a long overdue earthquake from destroying our city. Los Angeles is no safer from the tumultuous San Andreas Fault than New Orleans was to the fury of Hurricane Katrina.

What can you do? Either way mother nature catches up with you. There is no safe haven, terror will reach you and there is no fighting it. We set up barricades to keep up safe but are they really keeping us safe or rather closing us in? Is the glass half empty or half full? All simply matters of point of view and free will. Are you going to live everyday in fear, stay inside your home and contemplate when Judgement Day has befallen the miserable world or will you take chances, make mistakes and discover the true nature of life? Will you look at your life and want more or be content knowing that you're loved by family and friends? What can you do?

-indie.

theshibz @ 2005-08-08T22:05:00

2005-08-09T05:28:26Z

I don't know how well this will go, nor do I know how many people will actually read it or how those who do read it will react--here goes nothing.

I sit out on the balcony at least once every day. Staring out into the sky I realize how often I take the scene for granted--the calm view of the city that I adore and couldn't live without.

I peer out onto the horizon and think of what the future has in store, how in a year everything I had expected to be wasn't and everything I expected to never transpire actually has. I then wonder what this year will bring and how in a year there is a strong possibility that I will be watching my best friend, the single most influential person in my life, the person that I care for as much as a person could care for another, walk down a road that I dare not follow and in doing so saying goodbye to the one person I counted on always being by my side. I take you for granted because you're so close, I feel that if I wish hard enough you'll change your mind and the possibility of you leaving will disappear but my attempts are futile and foolish.

I walk out the door and down the hallway. I watch the white walls as I do and recall the emptiness I once felt. The times that I was without you, rather before I met you, and the times that I've almost lost you. The walk down the hallway is a short trip yet so many memories fly through my mind as I walk down it every single day.

I take an elevator ride downstairs and look at myself in the mirror. Who am I or rather who have I become? I have witnessed many changes in the past year, yes I know who I am because I have defined myself, but does the world know who I am or have I simply shut them out? Does everyone else see the person that I see when I glare in the mirror, or is it just a trick of 'smoke and mirrors'? Then the last thought pops into my head right as the elevator dings, who am I without you in my life?

I exit the elevator, the door right in front of me to enter the world I had viewed from above yet I am hesitant to exit. Is it too much to walk into this world alone knowing that there might be a time when you're not there or is it just fear of what I will come across in this metropolis? The door is less than ten feet away yet I'm frozen in my spot. The elevator door has closed behind me and two choices lay in front of me; do I turn around and return to the safe view from above and wonder what if or do I walk out into the world where you are and embrace the time we have left?

The choice to return to this safe place has always there but I've never chosen it. A life without you is simply not a life at all. You have become such an influential person in my life stemming from showing me how I was destroying my body to showing me that there are people that actually care about me in this world. Thank you so much for everything you have done and conitinue to do for me; even if I don't always say it or show it, I truly do appreciate everything you do for me and everything you are to me, you're my best friend in the entire world and we've only been friends for a year--I love you.

"Rarely do great beauty and virtue dwell together as they do in you." --fortune cookie

So now I ask everyone who's reading this to do me a favor (yes I know I've asked you all to do this before but so much can happen in such a short period of time): what do you think of me (both the good and the bad)?

-indie.

p.s. if you're writing a comment about what I've written and you know who it is (or think you do) please just don't use any names, thank you.

informant.

2005-07-11T05:38:19Z

so people ask me why I don't write anymore
why I don't update as often as I used to
why I'm not as open about my life on this
journal, simple reason--I'm just not.

I love writing, no other practical thing makes
me happier, I just wish I believed in myself
as much as the people that love me do, I wish
I had the capability to believe in myself as a
writer, to believe in my work, my "talent" as
some may put...

I am my worst critic because I will never
believe that I can accomplish anything,
mainly because I strive to be perfect, a
word thrown around in this town too often,
but something I still strive to achieve.

Am I foolish for trying to reach what is
practically unreachable?

If you take 'modern' thought into account
then yes because I'm reacing illogically and
irrationally due to the fact that I follow my
heart rather than what I'm told is the truth,
so when those two sides are pitted against
each other in an arena such as society, no
one can really be positive of the outcome.

I could follow my heart and lead a life of
prestige and excellence, the glorious life
of a writer that I would love to possess or
I could follow that path as a failure, a thing
that is so unacceptable in the world we
have all grown in.

I don't really know if anyone is going to get
the point of this, some will, some won't
but that's life I guess.

"can I break away
push me away, make me fall
just to see, another side of me
push me away, you can see
what I see, the other side of me"
-downfall [TRUSTcompany]

--indie.

decline.

2005-05-25T04:40:42Z

"all the knowledge I possess everyone can acquire,
but my heart is all my own." --goethe.

in twenty.seven days, I will leave the realm that I
have lived in, found comfort in, and grown in
over the past seven years; for myself and about
one.hundred.eighty other seniors, LACES will be
a mere memory, high school will be four years
that will never be forgotten yet put in the back
of our minds only to be recalled at certain points.

I sat by my window today, I looked at the world
outside, the world that existed outside of high
school; I watched the news, I saw what the real
world had to offer, the crime, politics, gruesome
human nature of it all; I talked to some of the
people that have made my senior year unique
and saw that high school gave me more than I
could have ever asked for.

I have never met people quite like those I have
met at LACES; they are truly one of a kind and
have all influenced me in one way or another,
to those people I owe my life, to them I am
thankful because they have made me the
person I have grown to be over the last seven
years; senior year has been truly amazing and
to say goodbye to the friends I have made
will be the first real challenge of my life.

how do you replace what your heart has
become attached to over the past four (and
in some cases seven) years? how can you just
continue your life without knowing the next
time you will see those people? how can you be
that selfish and just leave them, the people that
have become like family, who have, in most
cases, become a part of you?

after talking for hours to various friends and
thinking about this subject in great detail,
how do we get along with all these things
the answer is simple; we just do.

there are no set rules, nothing to live by
we just live everyday as if it was the last
and we have fun doing so, there are so
many things that I have learned, so many
people that have left imprints on my heart
and I will never forget them, I will never
be without them, they will live on in my
memories because they are part of me.

and I've been writing for over an hour
now, and have barely made a dent in
what I am trying to say so I'm just going
to end it here; there are people that
stand out in my life and for the most
part they know who they are...

-indietodrownin.

finalmente.

2005-05-10T06:37:34Z

well after millenia of waiting, I FINALLY
got my license peoples (yeah I'm a little
late on posting--psycho ap tomorrow).

other than that, just been thinking,
some food for thought:

"I can only give you love that lasts forever,
and a promise to be near each time you call.
and the only heart I own
for you and you alone
that's all,
that's all...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
and a love whose burning light
will warm the winter's night
that's all,
that's all.

there are those I am sure who have told you,
they would give you the world for a toy.
all I have are these arms to enfold you,
and a love even time can't destroy.

if you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
you'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
say it's me that you'll adore,
for now and evermore
that's all,
that's all."
--That's All [Michael Bublé]

something.

2005-05-05T06:55:25Z

fifty days left until graduation and I've
just about given up I think pretty much
everything that has to do with going
to class, doing work and caring about
high school besides the minimum I've
got to do in order to graduate--that is
of course until a certain someone
basically showed me how retarded I am
being--yes there is no reason to go to
class but it doesn't give me the right to
fuck up when there's only a finite amount
of time left to spend, especially with friends.

speaking of "friends" we arrive at tonight's
topic, "friendships" and yeah just a quick
message I guess because I don't want to
rant and rave and get frustrated over something
that I've actually semi-put behind me and
don't really care about fixing anymore...

if you have a problem with me, don't say
shit behind my back especially when you
know it's going to come back to me because
you say it around my friends or their friends,
just say it to my fucking face...I don't even care
what you're saying, but just say it to me since
I'm the person you've got the problem with.

in other light, for people that've changed
[including myself], just because you've got
a new aspect in your life or because you've
discovered how to be a different person, there
are negative aspects to everything that we
perceive to be positive--nothing comes without
consequence so if you're going to change be
aware of what is possibly negative...I realized
mine and changed because I didn't like how it
changed some of my friendships...so just a
warning or I guess sign I don't know just felt
like writing it...

as I guess you can tell I am just kinda ranting
because I'm pissed, I'm not in the best of moods
and I think I am stressing even though there is
nothing to stress over...maybe it's just a lack of
caring that's making me like this I don't know...
honestly I don't really know what this entire
entry is about because it's written mostly in
anger and frustration...but yeah...

you're always the one that's by my side no
matter what, even when I'm extremely wrong and
talking out of my ass because I'm frustrated for
reasons only you know, you're my best friend,
my confidant, the unique person I have my
most treasured friendship with...thank you for
always being there, for always telling and showing
me when I'm being stupid and jerk-ish, for
always standing by my side in my times of
need, for never turning your back on me even
in our darkest hour, for just being you...
I love that, I love our friendship, I love you.

three more people that I truly cherish but
don't really tell enough or am as close to
anymore and deserve an apology from me.

ronnie, jennifer, rachel:
I'm sorry for not always being as open, sorry for
not always being the person you've all known
for seven years (well four for webbie I guess),
sorry for everything I think you guys can kinda
get the just...I love you all so much and I truly
can't imagine life without you all in it...I'm always
here for you, thank you for always being there for me.

-indietodrownin.

loneliness.

2005-05-04T05:24:39Z

child of the wilderness
born into emptiness
learn to be lonely
learn to find your way in darkness
who will be there for you
comfort and care for you
learn to be lonely
learn to be your one companion
ever dreamed out in the world
there are arms to hold you?
you've always known
your heart was on it's own
so laugh in your loneliness
child of the wilderness
learn to be lonely
learn how to love life that is lived alone
learn to be lonely
life can be lived
life can be loved
alone.
--learn to be lonely [phantom of the opera]

maybe, just maybe, it's
time we all just got a little
comfortable with being
lonely...

may.three
songs:
-glory/us [acceptance]
-all I've got [the used]
-I don't wanna miss a thing [aerosmith]
-hope you're happy [dashboard confessional]
-night out for the downer [damien jurado]

albums:
-worse for the wear [the new amsterdams]
-transatlanticism [death cab for cutie]
-futures [jimmy eat world]

focus.photo

one of my favorite pictures in
the world is this one of me in
front of my house; changed it
into black and white to give
embrace it as simple and unique.

-indietodrownin.

remains.

2005-05-03T00:15:18Z

so last week alwan came
to english and told us to
write a poem, subject of
our choice and he said use
some kind of style or whatever
but I didn't follow what he
said because I never do,
but this is what I wrote...

remains.
eyes shut, windows covered
laying there cold and alone
outside, birds chirp
the sun shines
and the world seems
to simply pass me by

you're the one that
remains in my thoughts
and the one that my heart
yearns to hold once more
you're the demon inside
yet an angel from heaven
you're everything

eyes shut, windows covered
time seems to stand still
we always spoke of the future
but how could we predict
that our love was not eternal
that we were not meant to be

you're the one that
broke the mold
the one I can talk to forever
the one I still
feel destined for
and in time, I hope
we'll end up together
I love you…
forgive me.

hopeful.
eyes shut, listening
laying there together
outside, birds are silent
the sun beams into the room
and the world seems
to simply pass us by

in your eyes, I see
the one that remains
in both my heart and mind
the one that my
heart beats for
you’re my better half
the angel on my shoulder
you’re everything

eyes shut, listening
time seems to pass us
but it’s irrelevant
we spoke of our future together
predicting our eternal love
that we were made for each other

in your eyes, I see
the one that broke the mold
the one I can talk to forever
the one I am destined for
and when the world seems
to merely pass us by
I’ll remember what I see
in your eyes—I love you.

-indietodrownin.

renaissance.

2005-05-02T02:54:00Z

it's been a good hiatus, but I'm back
mainly because maintaining a site
was extremely time consuming and
having a livejournal is just easier for
me to do what I love to do, write.

I'll probably start posting more of
my own writings or quotes and stuff
in addition to the blogs and art.

new stuff, same layout,
livejournal.redefined

-indietodrownin.

parting.

2005-03-23T07:30:47Z

I guess for me livejournal is dead
I don't know why I just find no use
in updating anymore, so I guess
right now I'll be leaving--I might
come back, I might not, I don't
really know...if you wanna keep
up with my life or whatnot, all
my stuff is on the kihaku.it site
blogs, photos and all that.

exploding.

2005-03-18T06:49:25Z

"too young to fall
for a light I think I see
can't say for sure
the plants have died,
my hair has grown
from the thought of you
coming home

cuz it ain't easier
waking up at dawn
to find I lost my crown
if I found you there
with flowers in your hair

I'd hold you in my arms
till we came back down
a smile that explodes
I could never understand

my room, too small
to get by without the help out alcohol
pin my arm to the wall
now I'm too gone to fight
not afraid to fall

cause it ain't easier
waking up at dawn
to find I lost my crown
if I found you there
with flowers in your hair

I'd hold you in my arms
until we came back down
a smile that explodes
I could never understand

I write one more
letter I won't send
except for across the floor"

even though things are getting better
with me and certain people and life
there's always something that's just
not right, not the way it used to be
and I hate that, I hate that we're
not the same, I hate that the world
I had exploded and I'm still trying
to piece it all back together, is it
a futile attempt, am I that stuck in
the past, or is there a future?

flying.

2005-03-14T06:26:35Z

one day I'll fly away
and leave all of you
behind, all of you that
I love and cherish,
everything that I've
taken for granted,
all the half-finished
friendships and the
ones that barely
started, the people
that left my heart,
even the ones that
never had a place
in or near it.

it's not even the rejection
that's bothering me,
it's knowing that
eventually I'll have
to say goodbye to
so many people that
have changed me, to
so many people that
I love and that love
or loved me, to walk
away from love is so
amazingly hard and I
don't think I'm actually
strong enough to do it.

sometimes I just wish
I didn't have to grow up,
that the years didn't have
to change, that the world
was predictable, that I
wouldn't have to walk away
from those that I love and
the one that I'm in love with.

haters.

2005-03-12T03:45:14Z

seniors.
juniors are just hating on
our SUPERIOR skillz
two.thousand.five

on the other hand
I love britt witt.
and megan too

I'll remix it tomorrow when I'm..."recovering"

[remix.]
I'm gonna have some major
recovering tomorrow, sorry if
I offended anyone tonight, I
had well, you all know what.

in other cases, I was rejected
from UCLA so yeah...oh well

revise.

2005-03-10T06:03:38Z

so we had mr. alwan today
it was my first time having
him since like tenth grade
even though technically
this doesn't follow the
assignment he gave us, I
like it, what do you think

laying in bed
the lights turned off
candles lit
music playing
memories in the air
it seemed almost perfect
until I realized
that you were gone
because of me.

[remix.]
well I'm sittin in carr's
office chillaxin with my
fav fifth period buddy,
britt witt ;) and I just
have one loverly thing
to say to the world, well
actually two things (and
I'm going to post later
to make it bigger and such)

I LOVE BRITT WITT
--AND--
WE'RE SEEING SOCO ON 03.25

restating.

2005-03-05T21:20:42Z

okay well, I haven't listened to this
song in just about forever, but it
fits, well if you change some words
it fits perfectly, if you're reading this
I know you don't care but I'm sorry.

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

[iComment.]
which would you prefer:
--finding yourself
--falling in love
--finding happiness

your response:
hmmm...lets see. after looking at the choices i immediately thought falling in love would be the best..but falling in love is only good if that person loves you in return...if not, u get all sad and then ur forced to get over ur feelings altho u may not want to (me :[) so that actually kinda sucks. but falling in love and being loved in return makes you happy...so that would probably go in the finding happiness category. so i choose finding happiness..there's really nothing better then that.

off to the getty for some art and reflection.

renaissance.

2005-03-05T06:23:44Z

never opening my mouth again
don't ask me what's wrong
because I didn't even say anything
this time and everyone knows
don't ask me any questions
because my answer will always
be I don't know, because from
now on, gossip ends
I lost something important
and I learned what I needed to
change, the change begins now.

[remix.]
just was looking around the
kihaku site, interesting art...

opening up.

the kiss.

letting go.

ignorant.

2005-03-04T02:04:21Z

I want to be able to fall asleep
and wake up to find that
everything is how it was.

I can't say I'm sorry enough,
you won't even talk to me
and thus everything has
changed.

[remix.]
just art to reflect the mood...

greatness.

2005-03-01T04:51:08Z

"change is the law of life, and those
who look only to the past or the
present are certain to miss the future"
- JFK

so it's been a while since I've last
updated and looking around I see
that everyone is talking about moving
on into the future and change, and
I figure I mind as well to do the same.

I was walking home today after
spending an amazing day with jenn
and even though I was on the phone
in the back of my mind, I was thinking
about how I've changed in the last
couple of weeks.

I think that in the time from the black
and white dance until now, I've grown
a lot but I think a few of my close
friendships have paid the price for
my growth and happiness over this
past month, so rather than talking
about why I'm happy and all the good
things, because well I'll just admit it,
I'm extremely happy these days because
everything just seems to be falling into
place, and then I kinda realized that the
three most important people in my life
haven't been on the road with me, so
here's what I have to say to them.

ronnie: no matter what happens to us, whether we part after high school or our friendship continues on until our last days on this earth, I just want you to know that you're like a brother to me. You've always been there for me when I needed you, you've been that person that listened to me vent on those days that I just hated the world, you were the person that quoted what a girl wants and told me that I should never try to be someone that I'm not, you're the guy I spent most of my summer with just because we're friends, the guy I'd go to the gym with for thirty minutes then get our shakes and leave. You have really been the only constant friend that I've been able to turn to over the past year and a half and I really mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say that I'm sorry for, in a way, neglecting our friendship over the past couple of weeks, because I've been sitting here thinking about all the times we've had together, all the conversations we've had in the past and I realize that's not reflective on our friendship anymore...so I guess what I'm trying to say is that as far as our friendship is concerned, I want it to survive after we graduate, and yeah I'm not the best with words but you know what I mean...

jennifer: wow, I'm speechless when it comes to you jennifer. for seven years you've been there for me, to listen, to care, to give advice, to hang out with, whatever I needed you were there for me. our friendship goes beyond being friends, you're like family to me jenn and I just sincerely hope that you know that. You know that even though I don't show it or say it all the time I really do love you, I do care about you, I am overprotective of you and you are one of the biggest parts of my life. Wow, I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like without you...the same as with ronnie though babe, I want our friendship to continue forever, and just know that I'll always be here for you.

rachel: if there was a girl in my life that I could say I completely owe my life to it's you. I'm not going to sit here and write another long thing about you since I just did but you know how much I care about you and value our friendship, so I'm just restating that here since I probably made you tear with the other entry, so I'll stop now and just say that I love you babe.

I owe my life to the greatness of these three people...
thank you all for everything you've done for me.

once.

2005-02-21T20:35:52Z

love lifts us up where we belong
and then we open our eyes
and we're shot back down to earth.

saddening.

2005-02-20T05:40:38Z

I've been avoiding talking to
you for quite some time, because
I know that I'm attached to you
and I know that I love you
and I know that I won't be able
to say goodbye to you
because in the end it's inevitable.

we both knew that you were
guaranteed a spot in northwestern,
we both knew that you were
going to go there,
we both knew that this
was inevitable, that we'd
have to part ways and
say goodbye to one another.

you have been my best friend
for all of high school, four years
of memories, conversations,
trips in the car, meals at
johnny rockets, paying for
lunch and dinner and all that
stuff, for years of love, because
honesty rachel, you're the
closest person to me and it's
going to hurt the most to
know that in a matter of months
I'll have to give up being
able to see you whenever I
want and inevitable cry
saying goodbye to you.

we really do complement one
another, and I miss the times
that we spent together because
I'm scared of getting closer than
we already are, I hope that you
can forgive me for in a sense
avoiding our friendship.

rachel weber, you will
never cease to amaze me,
you can never be replaced,
I am eternally in debt to you
for everyting you have taught
me over the past four years,
I love you, and always will.

I'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that
I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless
to dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

if and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet you love me
and that consumes me
and I'll stand up again
and do so willingly

you give me hope, and hope it gives me life
you touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
as I exhale I hear your voice
and I answer you, though I heardly make a noise
and from my lips the words I choose to say
seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
because I love you
oh God, I love you
and life is now worth living
if only because of you
and when they say I'm dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth

when I go down
I life my eyes up to you
I won't look very far
cause you'll be there
with open arms
to lift me up again
to life me up again

memory.

2005-02-18T20:18:37Z

nothing to really update
just sitting in rutsch's
office, doing about nothing
just talkin to rutsch,
listening to my iPod,
I'm going to miss the days
like this--next year these
moments will just be
memories, rather than normal
parts of my day.

well, now off to explore
the rainy world outdoors,
I'll probably update later
tonight or when I get back
from visiting slatt's room.

wow, we're gone in eighty.

smiles.

2005-02-16T07:59:49Z

happy birthday katie
hope you have such
an amazing day :)

valentines.

2005-02-15T07:19:47Z

valentine's day, what can I really
say, it started off horribly, I was
stressed out, worried, lonely,
but at the same time laid back,
amused, and felt complete.

as the day went on, I could
not help but feel complete
because of the people that I
was with, regardless of the
what happened or didn't,
the people made it all
worthwhile.

from being frustrated at
mitz (aka music in the zone)
and being comforted by
sarah and of course our
campus girlie, to driving in
the car with megan, to
talking to reenie on the phone
about how horribly she drives,
to just watching movies or tv
until almost eleven, the day
turned out amazing.

I could have not asked for better
people to share my day with,
I love you guys--valentine's day
for another fourty.two minutes
enjoy it, and spread your love.

[remix.]
oh yeah, tickling britt witt
during fifth also put a smile
on my face, gosh that girl
is ticklish, GET HER because
she wants to kill me in
my sleep :(

yeah.

2005-02-13T19:53:44Z

slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision

[remix.]
I'm not angry, I'm not upset
I guess I'm just lost and broken
because everything I thought
was honest and real, isn't.

[playlist.]
angel [amanda perez]
all by myself [eric carmen]
both sides now [joni mitchell]
she will be loved (acoustic) [maroon 5]
belief (acoustic) [gavin degraw]
pretty girl (the way) [sugarcult]
the background [third eye blind]
I'm not okay (I promise) [my chemical romance]
beautiful mistake [the ataris]
the last song [the all-american rejects]
indie rock & roll [the killers]

comment with songs that you
listen to when you're down and
hate the world.

[remix:quote.]
"I want a boo to be straight
trippin over"
lol I can be so funny sometimes.

playing.

2005-02-10T05:44:40Z

I have nothing to really update
on even though I kinda wish I
had because life's been kinda
boring lately.

I'm a second semester senior
with nothing to really do, but
yeah, music is becoming an
even larger part of my life
then before, and even though
brit witt doesn't like my
music, I do so booyah.

just some songs for you
little children to enjoy so
here's some of my favorites,
and of course there's a lot
from the killers and something
corporate just because well
those are my favorites.

indie rock and roll [the killers]
mr. brightside [the killers]
andy you're a star [the killers]
everything will be alright [the killers]
home in paradise [unwritten law]
life and love and why [switchfoot]
konstantine [something corporate]
space [something corporate]
ruthless [something corporate]

eh I'm too lazy to keep typing
I'll add more songs later.

eighty.seven til graduation